Purpose - Direction - Faith

A single thing worth fighting for

Thursday, December 23, 2010

2010 - Something(s) to remember

Its been a while since I've written in this blog. I would imagine this just reinforces that paradigm that blogging is a state of mind, and that one only blogs for specific purposes relevant to the season of life they are in. Regardless of reasoning, as i feel is a constant theme in my life, blogging and indeed the events of 2010 have transpired quite wonderfully. Being used by God to teach me in one way or another equivocally for my benefit. And as 2011 rises on the horizon its with better judgment that i feel the need to reflect on the year, and document those lessons and events which have shaped and continue to shape me, according to God's purpose for my life.

So, in authentic fashion, i'll take a moment to spill out in one attempt words that capture 2010 in my life.

The year started with good friends and good community, much as it is ending. Although the cast is different it in no way undermines the impact each has had on me. January was cold, filled with my first trip to Whistler and first attempt at skiing. I was hitting the gym and swimming in an overly chlorine filled pool. My spirit was adrift in this careless prideful desire to make my life worth something. I read the book called the "Futureist" a biography on the life and times of James Cameron. I was lost somewhere in Pandora and filled my mind with visions of greatness and successful, or fame and fortune. It was in this spirit that i lost sight of my life. I wandered admist the dreamers of Hollywood and couldn't see my own two feet.

February brought me back down to the ground. Riding the wave of regular trips to China for work, my body suffered. The bags under my eyes proved it. I edited fun videos of China, friends, and Disney movie sing-a-longs that will remain unnamed. I repp'd the American flag in Vancouver BC and met a very wonderful person. According to my nature, I miss-understood the purpose of this person in my life and this took me through March. Spring was knocking on the door and cherry blossoms were blooming. I was being exposed to the beautiful of the world seem through an artistic eye, preferably the lens of a Canon MkII.

April brought somber reality. One could say the April showers hit. I sat, metaphorically speaking of course, in the rain waiting for someone to tell me it wasn't raining. Life seemed to be crashing down in all areas. I was learning the lesson of patience, but was enacting it in the wrong area of life. As May knocked on the door, patience seemed to be painful as I realized my Ironman race was weeks away. With one last trip to China this month, along with a feeble attempt to use Chinese workout equipment I knew i was NOT ready for this.

June brought the sun. I picked up a friends camera, and thanks to some inspiration from a very wonderful person. I brought it to a friends wedding. My friends were slowly leaving me for better "roommates" indeed the best kind. With one last hurrah, what I called "Hell week" i tried to get ready for the race. I finished out the month with the race, by far the most difficult experience of my life. But more importantly a great life experience to quality the term perseverance.

July was hott. Yes with two T's. People getting married, videography starting to take off. Who knew i could make something that brought people to tears? So fullfilling. A great life? Life of greatness? Seattle's the new Hollywood anyways. Spent the fourth among friends, fireworks and a great view. Community was changing, but not for better or worse.

August was about committment. A trying period of time. I partnered with Phil to read the bible in a year. It was a long deep conversation in his, newly waxed, truck. After a few more weddings I realized i had something going. Finishing the month with a trip to Alaska and a, in all respects straight up appreciation and fascination with the last frontier. I'll be back (i think in May).

September was trying. It started with the first of many trips to China. Consequently missing out on the Fall in Seattle. Major bummer. I caught up on editing, learned some more chinese and passed out snickers, coke, and cookies to a factory full of Chinese girls. Life's little pleasures. My house filled with new guys. They kind of bonded without me while i was gone, solid guys none the less. The house was starting off on a good foot, Christ center'd and intentional.

October was a big reminder. I turned 25. Some would say old. Yeah. I flew back from China on my birthday, first ever 36hr birthday. Quite fun, minus the 18hours of travel. Celebrated in Ballard, will never have a rum and coke again now. Added a few more notches to the filming belt. Holloween was nice, aside from the 6am flight to China. Oh and I dressed up as a double rainbow. Very difficult to maneuver on the dancefloor.

November was a month of revelation. From people in my life, what purposes they really play. How remarkably blessed I really am. A clear sense of direction. God showed up alot in November, filling in those "what the heck is going on" times. Often sitting me down in the living room and, over a crackling fire, speaking through my roommate on just how I have it wrong with my life, or at least how I perceived it. I know this, but as I get older in life, I will see November 2010 as an important month. Alot of my life feel into their places, really the spring ending.

December brought Joy. So much to be thankful for. Loving family, a niece on the way, amazing community, great friends, convicting holy spirit, beautiful God. I went to NY, dressed as a Santa among others, I tried new things, stepped out. I prayed. I danced. I cared.

So here I am. Still living one year later. I'm still me, but not. Still learning, but have learned so much. I'm not day dreaming in Pandora, but I am video editing. My heads not in California, or stuck on some girl. Its on my Lord and creator, and the things he puts in my life. Its remarkable. Even now, after just writing this. Remember who i was, how i felt, through each of the last twelve months, i can see His hand. Its holding my head. Caring for me.

Thank you so much for walking me through the pain, the joy, and the life that happens inbetween. Thanks for 2010.

Monday, October 11, 2010

A Gchat conversation with Kyle Doherty

Three hour layover in Taipei.

Don't ever focus on the bad and choose to see only the despair in life. Its easy to do, I know. We're conditioned to choose this fate. It comforts us, in a very intrinsic and deep level, when we are confronted with the grace of Christ. Grace is a pill we easily choke on, because we are sinful creatures. The weight of this existence weighs heavily on our morality when we come face to face to a life devoted to God. As a result we cower, we see the bad, we choose, albeit unknowingly, to live in constant reminder of the inadequacy of ourselves.

Here's something. Thats selfish.

"We rob Jesus of glory when we do that too, cause we are basically saying, Sorry Jesus, your death wasn't good enough to save me, there needs to be something more" - Kyle Doherty

Humble ourselves not only to God, Christ, but to our own misgivings. Choose to see His glory. Its a choice, an action, one to be made continually as an act of faith to our creator. Don't live the lie of inadequacy, because you aren't being honorable, you're being selfish, trying to satisfy your own sinful condition, justifying it on some level. Don't. Jesus died for you, don't waste that. Always live into the freedom and love that He gave to us by dying on the cross.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Ramblings from China - Unedited

Warning: This is entirely a uncensored thought explosion while bored and awaiting progress on a production line in China.

I wish I could live my life like it is right now for a while. I don't want to freeze time, but I'm not exactly in a hurry to get on to the rest of my life. I mean, lets take a look at what I have got going on for myself. I'm in the middle of my twenties, by far some say, the funnest years you will ever have. I'm young and energetic, I've got a healthy body capable of much more then I probably give it credit for. I have an undoubtedly amazing community of friends and family. I really can't say that enough. I live with and have lived with (as most just got married) stellar and genuine guys. These are the type of friends I know will be in my life when I'm into my 50's and 60's. I live in Seattle, a place unbeknownst to the whole world, otherwise they all would move here. I'm financially independent, I can pursue hobbies and interests as I develop my passions. These not restricted to, wedding videography, artist, music consoler (spelling?), goof ball, friend, son, brother - my life is really amazing right now. God's given me so much and I'm blessed in so many ways. I don't know understand why it has to move on with? At least for another year or two? Please God?
You may be asking why I'm venting this out right now. Well its my family. I've kind of always been use to my family dynamic all my life, maybe thats cause i grew up in it. But well, its ALWAYS consisted of my beautiful and loving mother, quick witted and courageous, always a hard worker, my diligent father - who will build a house during the weekends while working a full workweek. My brothers, who lived close enough to catch a movie or visit at church..…alright. Well I'm really avoiding writing down what is really bothering me.

Here is it.

People are getting older, and things are changing. Have you ever thought about your childhood? Your house? What it looked like when you came home from school? What your room looked like? How it felt to have your mom kiss you good night? Do you remember your brother harassing you, and then being the older brother and looking out for you? Remember high school? The soccer fields? The lunch room and sitting on the tables when they continually asked us not to? Remember what it felt like to make your parents proud..…the list goes on.

They are memories. I can never get back to them. I'll never see, feel, experience those things again. Its sad. They helped make me. They are so important. Yet they happen only once. It's a heavy weight that lays on my heart when i ponder these things.

Time won't rewind, won't stop, and won't slow down - regardless of how much I plead with it. Things move forward. "You will never be here again." I heard that in a movie, i think it was Troy. Funny, such a good quote from a mediocre movie. Its true though.

I will never be here again.

Swallow that Alec. I could end this with the standard cape diem. Something insightful to get us to savor life more, to live it to the fullest and enjoy it. I'm not going to though. I would not pay homage to what i am feeling right now. Rather I will leave you with this,

Try. If you can, to re-imagine your life as something that is vanishing. Its somber, i know. But rather then fall victim to your discouragement, CHOOSE to live into that title. Your life is disappearing, indeed moving towards eternity with God, but in the meantime, is vanishing. Feel the weight of loss in that, and grip your life. Ha i guess seize the day. But don't do it out of some stereotypical motto that has no foundation in emotion, or your soul. Seize it out of desperation - a source of motivation that only arises when we are faced with the end, the harsh truth - you will never be here again. Time to live or die. Push yourself to the limits of fear of uncertainty, and embrace the unknown, find that inner strength that quality of character that God has so lovingly endowed us with. Once you have found that, live! Use that strength to overcome your fear, good over evil, humble over the proud, build your life! One wonderful beautiful memory and experience at a time.

I hope you can see what I'm saying. Course I did give a disclaimer. We'll see if I post this.

Friday, September 3, 2010

An Alaskan Adventure

How ridiculous is my life? I am so blessed.

First off, let me just say my boss rocks. She really looks out for me, as it was her who suggested that I go on this trip. So props to Laura for being the world's best boss. Truth be told, I am getting ahead of myself. Okay.



I spent 8 days in the Alaskan wilderness outside of Healy, AK. Which, if you don't know where that is, which you probably don't because I went to school with more people then live in that town....anyways its about a two hour drive south of Fairbanks (I can make it in 1.5hrs, just ask Eric Porter). This was the most epic camping trip i've been on, not just because of the amazing surroundings, but I had the chance to work with some of the most sick downhill mountain biking pros. I was the tech guy for my company's camera, which may sound geeky, but there's nothing geeky about;

1. Hiking 2-3 hours a day to remote locations.
2. Drinking more beers in one week then I had all year.
3. Learning the trade with the most professional pros.
4. Learning what a tundra wookie means.
5. Watching Eric Porter tailwhip a MTB bike off a bar. Yeah.






The trip was legit, I met a bunch of rad guys, including a 6 foot 5 kewi from New Zealand. They aren't as bad as people say, all bark and no bite, the guy was legit. All in all, the trip was a success and we got done what we needed, mostly on the last day too. AND I'm stoked to say I got paid to be there, so could I have it any better? I don't think so.







Anyways, I got the chance the use my interval controller with my 5D while I was there. Course I didn't bring a battery charger, so the time lapses aren't as long as I'd hope, but whatever the edit is cool. Check it out.

Alaskan time Lapses from Alec Cattarin on Vimeo.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Female Sailors

I've heard stories. Things people do to help them get through the work day. After all, we don't live in Spain and get a siesta in the middle of the day. Regardless. I deviated from my normal routine of teriyaki chicken and bought a sandwich, coke and newspaper for lunch. And then I walked.

Kind of had this image in my head of a grassy hill overlooking the sound. I mean, I work at Denny and Western, two blocks off Elliot Bay. Well, needless to say, in about ten minutes I found said hill, and said view. And it was marvelous.

In 30 seconds, bare feet were out, my pant legs were rolled up, top two buttons of my shirt undone, and I officially had transformed from work attire to Saturday morning basking in the sun attire. I laid back on my elbows, looked around at the Sculptures surrounding me, smiled, and unfolded my newspaper.

Ten feet down the hill, some guys were strumming and singing some worship songs (how cool is that!) I found myself singing along to "Yes Lord" without even realizing it. Got to chat it up with the guys over a cool convo of trying to remember the words to "Blessed Be Your Name". Nice guys. Pretty inspiring evangelism.

Read some not so great news articles, surprise surprise. Think tomorrow I'll bring my book instead. Luckily i caught an article in the NW Weekend on Sailing in the San Juan islands. Story was on this tall ship called the Zodiac that was taking women out for three day excursions to learn how to sail. Kind of wish I was a girl.

Why do I mention all of this? Simple. Its memorable. A means to enjoy and take advantage of something otherwise uneventful and dull. Work is a wonderful place…to work. Not to live. Sometimes we need that siesta in the middle of the day, to remember that we only work at work. Life was outside today, among female sailors, tall works of art, and passionate talented Christians. Not to mention a sandwich with a little too much ketchup :)

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Eckhart Tolle

Came across Eckhart Tolle just now. A friend posted on facebook a link to a video of Jim Carrey describing his spiritual discovery through Eckhart. Nothing against Eckhart, I think he has some very powerful ideas and perspective on life.

But after reading through his site a little, I couldn't help get the picture of him and his teachings being a sort of "answer" or "savior" for people. How HIS teachings are the key to the meaning of life. I couldn't help think that people will inevitably come to see him as a role model for this type of teaching.

Eckhart's teaching require the individual to experience and maintain or strive for a, lack of a better term, enlightened point of view of life. THIS focus is on the individual and their capacity. Which unless the person is perfect will never suffice. Even Jim Carrey was quoted with conveying his need to get back to that frame of thought. This leaves the individual in a constant or at least inconsistent state of contentment.

The reality is we aren't perfect and never will be. To maintain this perspective of enlightenment isn't possible (some may beg to differ - that is fine). But the world will time and time again distract us, pull us back, and ultimately keep us from maintaining this "enlightenment". We just don't have the capacity to do it. Whats left then? An individual in a state is frustration and disappointment at their inability to maintain this. While these emotions may not be exhibited so cut and dryly, they will still work against the overall quality of life as the person sees it.

Simply put, we can't rely completely on ourselves to achieve a blissful state of life where one understands the meaning of life or is detached from the world (as Carrey describes it). And through extension, we cannot hold up someone like Tolle as the man with the answers. Cause I would be willing to bet, that he suffers from the same hardships we do.

I think what he teaches has alot of worth to living a happy life. But to depend on it as the purpose and meaning to life. To strive for it as religiously as he promotes, isn't healthy.

I am happy to know that as a believer and follower of Christ. I do not depend on myself, but Christ. What that looks like may be argued and ultimately used to express contradiction by others in what I say. So be it. However, I acknowledge that I am broken, that I am a horrible person at times. That I cannot maintain this perfect relationship with Christ or in parallel the type of enlightenment that Tolle talks about. BUT the key here is the word grace. I don't deserve the relationship, the communion. I don't deserve the enlightenment, the knowledge of the purpose and meaning of life. However, God loves, He loves me, and through Christ STILL enters into relationship with me. Embracing grace is the key to life, in MY opinion.

If I am left thinking I deserve the meaning of life or any kind of enlightenment, then I will be really upset with myself or the world when my problems don't go away. No matter HOW differently I look at them.

Pain is pain people. Watching you mother die of cancer sucks the same for the atheist, the christian, and even the "Tollite"

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I am an Ironman

Well it finally happened. For the past months, indeed the year, I've been having this race hang over my head like a guillotine.

On Sunday June 27th at 7am i stood on the precipice of the most difficult experience of my life to date. I surveyed the crowd of over 2200 fellow participants, each suited for battle in their wetsuits and quickly took in the raw reality of what was about to happen to my body. To put it simply - if my body was someone else, a friend for example, rather then part of myself. Well I was about to kick the crap out of it.

Somewhere in the distance unheard by me, a gun shot went off. Suddenly the mass of 2200 neoprene wetsuits rushed into the cold waters of Lake Coeur d'Alene. I'm not a good swimmer - lets just make sure you know that. I just learned to swim a year ago. Swimming by yourself is tough, but swimming with 2000 people surrounding you is impossible. I really can't count how many elbows to the head, kicks to the arm that i got. Sometimes it was a struggle just to stay afloat. Somehow I came out of the water in 1hr19min. Super fast for me. Best part, I was feeling great and smiling!

After having my suit ripped off of me by some volunteers I made it out of the transition area in 6.5minutes. Not bad. Finally! On my bike, my favorite part. Or so i thought. I absolutely killed the first loop of the 112miles. Completed it in 2hr48min. But alas the second loop not so good. At about the 60mile mark disaster struck. My quads began to cramp. I tried to work around them, but then on one of the steeper hills in the course both of my knees completely locked up in a spasming cramp. I could do nothing but stop the bike and just stand there with knees bent, praying for them to release. After a minute they did. And I walked the hill. For the rest of the 52miles I biked through cramped legs. I had to lower my pace on straights, only able to reach my high gears on a few downhills. Then there was the uphills. I biked as slow as I could go with keeping my cadence high enough to not enact a cramp. However, they eventually seized. While the pain was nothing new, this time I refused to get off the bike. Often unclipping one foot while it cramped and pedaled with one foot to let it regain itself. I finished the last 52miles in 3.5hrs and had to get off the bike only once (shameful I know). I didn't know what made me pedal through that kind of pain, all I can remember the last 20miles was "Lord, get me off this God forsaken bike". In hindsight, Im not sure why I wanted that, because I next had to run 26.2miles.

Coming into the transition area, the dawning of the run came pretty quickly. Any hopes that the motion and operation of my legs in running being different then that of biking would save me from the cramps were quickly and effectively destroyed. I tied the shoestrings, and took one step to feel my right calf seized and my body jump into a hop/run. A form of running i would learn to perfect through the next 26.2miles. Running on cramped muscles in my legs is the most difficult experience I have ever gone through. I have heard the term "mind over matter" all my life, but never realized as I did Sunday. I could only hobble on my legs for 20-40 yards before my entire lower body spasmed and siezed up causing my run to diminish into a walk. This was the pattern that I followed for the rest of the race. After 26miles I turned the corner for the last .2mile downhill stretch through downtown Coeur d'alene.

"What's another .2miles of hell huh? Pain heals, toughen the F*&% up. Here i go"

With everything I had left in me, I sprinted. Within 50 steps my right thigh seized, but i kept the forward motion. 100 steps both calves go, somewhere around 200 steps the knee muscles are shot. But I was accustomed to the pain now, I knew i could keep my legs moving forward. The homestretch took me down a corridor with bleachers of spectators on either side, I know there was a roar of a crowd, a commentator saying that "Alec Cattain, you are an Ironman" but I couldn't hear it. I lifted my arms to either side, my legs didn't hurt anymore, they were an unstoppable machine, pushed forward by gravity, momentum, and shear will. I lifted my arms one last time, thanked the creator who made my body, and knew it wouldn't fail me. I crossed the finish line. 13hr18min.


Those are the words of the most painful and difficult experience I have ever done. I had to overcome a mental and physical barrier that I could not imagine. Its hard to capture in the moment what pushed me forward. Some of it was disappointment, in myself, in my friends, and in my family. I didn't want that. Some of it was the challenge, how bad did i want this? Can you do it?

But ultimately, a tribute to a God who created me uniquely and loved me enough to inspire me to do such things. It would have been great to have done the race without cramping, maybe get a better time, but I wouldn't have it any other way. My legs, the pain, provided more then an obstacle, it built my character.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Hell week(s) - A running/biking/swimming dialog

I'm a little under 4 weeks away from my Ironman race. Seeing as the last two weeks before the race are taper weeks, this leaves the next few to be "Hell weeks" in regards to training.

I just wanted to take the opportunity to document this time. As its probably going to be the most draining two weeks so far in my life, not only physically but also emotionally I think.

Friday - May 28th
Rode my bike in the basement for about 2.5 hours. I figure that works out to around 45-48miles. I watched the movie Legion (don't recommend it at all). Luckily it was over at the 1.5hr mark, so i took the opportunity to blast some worship music for the last hour. Riding a bike and singing at the top of your lungs is difficult.

Saturday - May 29th
Woke up early and got down to Greenlake for a morning swim. The lake is still cold, even with a wetsuit, but there is something about being up just as the sun is rising and being surrounded by water - I HIGHLY recommend this experience.
Ran around lake Union and the ballard locks for 1.6hrs. Did 12 miles I am pretty sure. Really hurt, this running thing isn't a whole lot of fun ;)

Sunday - May 30th
Woke up at the crack of dawn and jumped on the bike again. This time I rode to Fairhaven for the Ski to Sea festival (95miles). Tough to start the ride, but brilliant none the less. Beautiful weather, great music, and good nutrition made this bike ride to Bellingham much better then the 1st one I did.
SIDE NOTE: Also hiked Oyster dome and camped at the top. Not to mention trail ran to lake Lilly for a little excursion. Some places like that lake are hidden for a reason, the stillness there made the pain of running to it worth it.

Monday - May 31st
Woke up ontop of a mountain with the trees soaked with dew, raining on our tents. The root in my back made the night's sleep difficult, but Brian Bauer's body heat couldn't be matched! Haha. Got back to Seattle and ran around Greenlake a few times, 7miles. Then swam greenlake late at night 1.5miles. Swimming at night is just better'd by a early morning swim. I'm pretty sure at one point i switched to my back and watched the stars for a little. ;)

Tuesday - June 1st
Trying to get today's bike ride in what a tough cookie. Slept in til 8 instead of waking up early to bike. As I type this I actually have a editing project I should be working on...so this should really be short. But I biked Lake Washington today (51miles) and felt great! I did the math, and I think I averaged somewhere between 19 to 20 mph, which is pretty ridiculous. Best part is I feel great!

Wednesday - June 2nd
Today's lesson, don't eat a foot long subway sandwich, three white chocolate macadamian nut cookies (i needed the calories) an hour before you run 12miles. Yah. Off day tomorrow!

Friday - June 4th
Woke up bright and early this morning and swam 2miles in Greenlake. It was an overcast morning with a light rain on the lake, but the water was super calm. Felt great swimming, my own little world. Finished today with an 30mile bike ride in the basement, nice and easy. Longest run of my life tomorrow. Yay :/

Saturday - June 5th
I completed the longest run of my life so far today. 18miles. It was a beautiful day for the run, absolutely glorious, no complaints at all. My hampstring started to cramped at mile14, well have to work on that. Here's to hoping for the same weather for tomorrow's bike ride!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Haiti - Cries of the Oppressed

My friend Shane visited Haiti and edited a video of the footage he captured there. You can view the video here.
I was pretty affected by the power of the words and images in the video. I took the time to transcribe the dialog from the video. I suggest reading it then watching the video.

"Six weeks after the earthquake
I walked the streets in Port Au Prince
Collapse buildings everywhere
And I couldn’t escape the haunting reality of the estimated two hundred thousand plus lives lost here
Many Haitians say even that figure that is much too low
Which wasn’t hard to believe because finding a house that was still standing and in livable condition was a rare exception
It’s estimated that at least a million people were displaced from their homes and even those with homes have no electricity or running water
In the clinics and food distribution centers there was seemingly endless lines of people waiting sometimes a whole day to receive some of the aid that was available
Thousands of bodies still lie under the concrete rubble
Painfully difficult to move without the help of heavy machinery
Legal documents and records blew through the streets outside the national courthouse
And even now tons of food water and medicine lie waiting at the airport and docks as the government tries to tax the incoming aid to profit from the disaster and the suffering of the people
Its easy for anyone to look at the situation and be overwhelmed by a sense of helplessness because of the magnitude of need
I spent just three weeks in Haiti, I don’t assume to be an expert or that I can adequate access the gravity of the situation
But I know one of the simplest and practical examples of love is to clothe the naked and feed the hungry
And there is ample opportunity here for that
And though the problems the Haitian people are facing aren’t going away anytime soon
Many remain hopeful and encouraged that their nation can change
The earthquake in Haiti was one of the deadliest in history
But much of the problems here are nothing new
And they are as complex as they are desperate
But I believe that now there is more need then ever for those that are willing to dedicate themselves to the rebuilding of this nation
That Haiti would be a nation built on the foundations of love
An opponent of political and social injustices
And a blessing to the world
These unique and beautiful people are not defeated easily
And as you walk through the streets the smiles on their faces testify of their endurance
If its not our priority to spend ourselves on the needy
And loose the chains of injustice in our world
What are we left with?
In my opinion, just a shell of an existence
A pretense of compassion
The cries of the oppressed cannot go unheard
From child sex slaves in Cambodia
To the poverty and corruption in Haiti
Love must be tangible
It cannot be a concept
It can only be demonstrated in action
And unless we understand this
We will never see the change we always talk about
In a world where information and communication is more readily available then ever before
We no longer have an excuse of ignorance
And now that we know about the issues
We are faced with the decisions
Of how we will react."


-Shane Prescott

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Finding a book

Just wanted to follow up on my last blog entry.

Wanting intimacy with Christ isn't wrong. But we have to be careful to seek Him according to who He is and not who we want Him to be. God can be found in many things, afterall He is the author and perfecter of our fate, everything we are and have is by Him.

More importantly though, for me,

~He is the word of God - the bible, His character is woven into those pages.
~He is the people you invest spiritually in, your community your church your family
~He is the quiet peace, the voice of gentle wisdom that reminds me, even in the worst of times. That he is near.

------
That being said, I found the book. The taxi driver brought it back to the hotel he picked us up at. Very rare as I am told.

Funny how something seemingly important to you leaves, you grieve its loss, finally let it go, then allowed to see the error of your way, then it returns to you, yet now you no longer see it in the same light, indeed a better light.

God works in fascinating ways

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Loosing a book

So a year ago I was dealing with a difficult situation in life. At this time I ended up going to China for work and the time away gave me incredible perspective on the situation. I drew closer to Christ during that trip and ultimately began to understand what he was putting me through. One of the ways I got closer to Him was through the book The Shack. If you haven't read it yet, I highly recommend it, it will redefine the way you look at the trinity and your own walk with Christ (naturally in a good way :)

Well anyways, its a year later. I'm sitting in a Hong Kong hotel room in the middle of a trip that for all intensive purposes is the same as last years. While life is a tad bit different, I'm needing that same time away from the states for time closer to Christ.

Here's the funny part. I brought with me The Shack on this trip too. It was my intention to re-read it and to use it in much the same way i did last year. Here is the funny part.

While I finished reading the book in heartfelt tears on a Chinese Taxi ride. This time around at about page 90 I left the book on a Chinese Taxi ride. Totally spaced my mind and realized the book is gone for good. I can't help but romanticize this, imagining the book as a powerful tool in my life. It entered into my life in a taxi ride, and it left in one too. Like a person whose God given purpose in your life is to be apart of it for only a season, teaching you an invaluable lesson. The Shack is gone now.

When I take a step back though, and reflect on this. I think of it this way. I can't box God, pull him out of a book, even as good a book as The Shack. I think He removed that from this trip so I could focus on Him during this time.

Whether its a place, or a person, or even a thing. God isn't there. He's inside. A part of us, we have been given the Holy Spirit, a powerful tool to experience the love and presence of Christ at any time. While other things help us connect with Christ, ultimately they are just things. We may feel the presence and intimacy of Christ in a relationship, worship, in nature, in service to the poor, and these things are all God given and beautiful, but I'm learning that I can't use them. Even for as good a purpose as to be closer to God, because I inevitably start to rely on them and not God. While I can appreciate their place in my life, they come and go. And I have to be okay with that. Which only happens when I am not relying on them, but God. Who doesn't leave.

I don't think I will buy The Shack again. I'll let it go, as I'm finding I must with some of the concerns in my life right now. Who knows, maybe as it floats away into Chinese Taxi land, it will touch someone else's life as it did mine. I think that's a good prayer to pray.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Seasons in Life - Learning to Trust God

"You can't take what God wants to freely give you"

My Pastor said that yesterday as I sat in the pew jotting away the notes on his sermon. I couldn't help but hold my pen for a moment, struck by the sentence. At first glance I'm almost offended by the nature of the statement, God wants to FREELY give it, why would I ever wish to take it. As a boy, if the neighborhood baker wants to give me a doughnut, I wait patiently for him to place the wonderful bismarck into my cup'd hands. But what is patience, indeed a 12 year olds grasp of patience doesn't extend beyond a few minutes. Here at 24 years of age, have I managed to add onto that mark?

Sometimes I wonder, as I did yesterday staring at my pen as it hovered over my notes. God is indeed my baker, among other things, but am I trying to steal his promises? The word of God says He has promised me a life abundant, full of hope and joy. While I acknowledge my life isn't meant to be easy, I can only examine the desires of my heart. Love, intimacy, a family, a wife, travel, missions, videography, home. Whatever it may be, how insignificant or great the desire, how powerful and passionate, or how careless and indifferent. They are subject to, not my will, but God's.

That's where patience comes in. Speaking from more experience then I would care for, how often have I tried to understand His will. Why didn't this work out? Why have things changed? Why didn't you give me that opportunity? Why can't I do this or that? Rather then wait for God to reveal His work. I push, I say if only I figure it out I will be at peace with it. No. That isn't peace, that is living in fear. Living in the fear of the unknown, and attempting some small minuscule self serving act to figure it out. Even with the answer, we are left still searching for a reason, an answer to quell the underlying concern of our heart. Will this work out?

Unfortunately our life isn't a book we are reading. We can't skim ahead. There is no earthly person, place, thing, or answer that can satisfy our fear of the unknown, of the direction our lives are going. We can never know where we will be tomorrow, who we will love, what we will be doing, and ultimately IF we will be happy.

I used the word 'unfortunately' earlier. Forgive me that this was a poor choice in words. It is with the utmost excitement that I say we aren't reading the pages of our life, we are living them! To use the words of Donald Miller, we are the characters, we are not the author. God is our author and we simply cannot write the story of our life with a fraction of the care love and joy that He can.

If you believe in the God of the bible, in His promises, and above all that he loves you and wants the best for you. Then if you ever feel scared of what is to come, if you are ever trying to figure it out yourself, to attempt to satisfy that deeply woven desire to know you will be happy. Let it go. Surrender your fear, don't live in it. Give it up to a God that has told us that His love is sufficient. Cause then you'll be free. Free to live in a story that you have complete faith that the author is writing the most exciting, powerful, brilliant, beautiful story, one filled with a happiness that is more satisfying that anything we could have discovered on our own.

And the cool part. If you live in a story where you have complete faith in its author AND you don't know what's going to happen. Well that fear of the unknown will change into anticipation and excitement of the unknown. That is the promise of God.

Don't live in fear, enter into the Joy of the Lord. A life of beauty and excitement.

Philippians 4:6-7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus



Remember -
A peace that surpasses all understanding. You cannot understand it.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Thoughts

In an attempt to NOT put everything on my mind in a Facebook status. I thought I'd set up a running 'thought' list here on my blog. (so I do it on a blog instead of facebook - cut me some slack)

It'll be interesting to see what goes up here.

April 6th - 11:53AM
Listening to "can you feel the love tonight" and slightly singing out loud at work. Getting some stares ;)

April 7th - 9:34PM
Singing to worship music while driving out on country roads at night. Just a few of my favorite things

April 9th - 8:05PM
Okay how wonderful is this? Editing a video in the nook, while stuffed portabelo mushrooms are cooking. Goo Goo Dolls are playing in the background, and I am eating french bread with oil and vinger! I don't think I could ask for a better evening. Oh wait! I have a glass full of frozen berries to eat too!!

April 10th - 2:28PM
Biking through farmlands outside Duvall and Carnation. Life doesn't get any better

April 12th - 1:32PM
Attempted to blow very loudly into a Kazoo to scare Michelle at work. Went through 5 Kazoos because they were all broken and made no noise. Upon trying the 6th, I was made aware that you are suppose to hum into a kazoo to get it to make noise. Awesome..haha

April 21st - 1:47PM
'Angel of Music' just came on my Itunes. Reminds me that I still want to see Phantom of the Opera!

April 26th - 7:54PM
Sitting in hotel in Costa Mesa day before appearing in court as a witness for a murder trial. Little nervous.

May 4th - 5:11PM
I've had the song "Always" by Switchfoot in my head for the whole day. Such a marvelous song. I need to thank a special someone for making me an amazing CD and introducing me to it. Hopefully I will remember to thank them ;)

May 7th: 11:08PM
Friday night listening to Pandora, getting new and old music that I love. Hillsong: Stand. I love this song. I love this night

May 23rd: 4:04PM
Sitting in the nook editing and listing to new music for future projects. Wondering if you ever think of me.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

A perfect moment

For some these happen far to few, I've started to believe that they actually happen all too often, and we pass them by obliviously. It takes a certain about of focus, training your heart to be tuned to the things that matter. Regardless, when you are in those still moments when the world stirs with color and your heart calms its a God given moment of peace. I had one of those this morning.

Imagine that feeling, its a stormy night, you are tucked into your bed with a good book. Your room, unfortunately, doesn't get enough heat, so you wrap yourself in more blankets than usual. The rain hits the roof. The soft drowning of rain rattling on the roof offers a security and comfort from the storm outside. Hold that feeling.

I woke up this morning avoiding the fact that I needed to ride my bike for a few hours this morning. I had been up the night before skyping with China, that coupled with me not being a great morning person made for a reluctant bike ride. I got dressed and set off on a cool crisp overcast morning.

Here is where God showed up on my ride. I turn down seaview road, heading down the bluff. Its been a light drizzle all morning, raindrops have formed on my glasses. I'm going down hill, so i lean forward and let gravity carry me down the road. That's when it happens. The skies opened up a little more and it rained. Just pouring on me. But. it was magical. My ears were covered by my skullcap and all I could hear was the patter of rain on my helmet just like being inside your room in a storm. It was just me, the wind, my bike, and the road. The world was quite. I wasn't tired, I wasn't hungry, I wasn't worrying about getting into work, I wasn't cold or hot, I was just calm and at peace.

I turned off of Seaview right into golden gardens. Usually a spot of commotion and people. No one in sight. The beach was the picture of peace and quietness. Large flocks of birds were skimming the water as I rode by. Everything was amazing.

God gave me a moment of peace this morning. Gifts like these are unexpected and beautiful. I pray your heart is open to the moments He has for you.

Thanks for reading

Follow up @ 4:19pm
AND now the weather is sunny and gorgeous!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Soundtrack to Your Life

Spontaneous post.

I'm sitting in a hotel room and One Republic "Good Life" just came on my itunes. There's alot in life that seems to encapsulate the moments and times in life that are memorable. I don't think much can capture the mood, the feeling, the memory of those times then music.

Whether its a roadtrip, a mission trip, a period of school, a girl, music reminds us of those times. They bring to the table a eternal bookmark that can place us back in those shoes.
You'll remember her name, the way you felt when you would see her, the high of that winning season, the nights walking out on the promenade in France, the times sitting out late at night tossing jokes into the night, late night talks on the front porch swing, how God touched you through those people...You'll remember your life, as it should be remember.

In the moment. Let music touch your life.



Valkyrie Missile


Angels and Airwaves


Running the neighboorhoods every morning south of Caltech, Pasadena CA. Summer 2007!

Friday, March 5, 2010

Liking Seattle (updated)

I like talking with the ducks at greenlake.
I like driving the I5 bridge and seeing a mountain range on either side.
I like running the burke-gilman to Gasworks and sitting on the wall.
I like driving the west seattle bridge on a sunny day (its looks like you are driving into the sky at one point)
I like my room, you should too.
I like the Arboretum and jumping off the freeway into the water.
I like mount Si on a clear day.
I like the ferries and the islands.
I like the five weeks of cherry blossoms.
I like my church.
I like swimming across greenlake after a long run on a hot day.
I like warm summer nights with any of the following...
....Long walks singing to an ipod
....Sitting on a roof checking out the stars
....driving nowhere with the windows down
....hunting puddles
I like Skipping rocks at golden gardens
I like finding random cool restaurants
I like biking to the market on a Saturday morning, buying lunch then catching the Bainbridge ferry for the day
I like looking over the rail on the Aurora Bridge
I like school play grounds and going on their slides
I like driving to work on a beautiful sunny day - downtown Seattle rising over the horizon - a sea plane passes overhead and lands in Lake Union
Compline at St. Marks on a Sunday night

more to come

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Invictus

I'll keep this short and sweet...hopefully.

I'm in China right now and I just finished the novel Invictus. I'll admit I choose it because I had watched the trailer for the movie. However I want to take the time to emphasize how remarkable a story this book tells.

Being born in America in the mid-eighties does not render me the proper perspective on humanity at large. Indeed my understanding of the world was limited to the quaint peaceful American life granted me in the Pacific Northwest. However, that being said, it is with the utmost importance and enthusiasm that I recommend this book.

Life in South Africa, prior to the mid-nineties was not quaint and peaceful by any means. Apartheid rule in South Africa dictated every aspect of racial segregation and discrimination throughout that country. The reality that racism was prevalent in modern society confounded me. What more, the man of Nelson Mandela, what he did, how he did it, and the manner in which it came to fruition, is beyond comprehension and simply remarkable.



And it is a true story. Mandela revolutionized revolution. His revolution did not destroy the enemy and start from ground zero, no, he united his country. He upheld black aspirations for freedom and equality while addressing white fears and indeed redeeming them in the eyes of the world. Mandela united a country on the brink of war. I realize this sentence may not hold a tremendous weight in the mind of a secluded and ill-educated person, much as I was before reading this book. However, this story, what is represents, holds the utter most fascination and respect for humanity that I can remember feeling.

Please take the time to read this book. If you were ever looking for a inspirational book that touches the very heart of our humanity. This is it.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Things on the mind - A scaled down depiction of life of late

Spent Saturday (the whole day) in Vancouver BC for the Olympics! What what! From start to finish, an absolutely ridiculously amazing day. Including, but not limited to -

- Getting my first speeding ticket, which was reduced because I pulled over before the cop could put the radar gun down (I am a nice guy)
- Being held at the border for 40min while car was searched. FYI have cash and a place to stay when crossing border. Or be prepared to lie and say so.
- Purchasing American flag and wearing it. The entire day.
- Meeting people from across the world! 16 different flags we saw and documented with a photo of us and them.
- Canadians! Okay, this is worthy of a side note.

NOTE: Canadians are the nicest people ever! Honestly so helpful and kind. While we were filling the role of being the stubborn and obnoxious Americans, they were nothing but friendly and excited to meet you. Okay not always, at times we did get some negative attention, but more often then not the person who was chanting F&*% America would turn around and high five you and say you were awesome. Honestly! Who does that!? Canadians do!

- Leaving that wonderful city at 1 am, catching the last Sky train out of the city. We were ducking the gate as they closed the station.
- Driving to and realizing aldergrove crossing was closed.
- Drived through Abbortsford to make Sumas crossing
- Reaching home in Seattle at 530 am and sleeping!



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I've got an audition today. I'm really excited for it, its the first one in a long time. Its for a part in this non-union tv show. I am playing a guy named Christopher. Here's his description;

"Christopher Marigold: (23: Caucasian) He is fit, handsome, well dressed and
always put together. Chris is the youngest Marigold son. He is a talented pastry chef who is on the fast track to success, with his good looks and innovative approach to cuisine. He's a bit metro-sexual, very confident and is die hard into the "green" movement."

Pretty awesome huh? Im way excited and can't wait, wish me luck!

--------------------------

I've been going through a bit of a rough patch with my faith as of late. But Christ has been peeping through the darkness in different spots as of late. My time in China has really been messing with my social clock and solitude in Christ. I'm working with it, but appreciate any and all prayers. Christ is my lord and savior no matter what. I need to get through this and continue with the man he has/is making me into.

In my weakness he is strong, i just need to call on Him.

"Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." - James 1:3-4

Friday, February 5, 2010

A Great Life

What is a great life? Aside from the subjective nature of how each individual can determine the merits of their own, that is to say enjoyable life - Where does that leave one who stares into the deep vastness of the future before them?

There is substance in enjoying the now, i fully agree. Carpe Deim - I've always been a fan. What makes a life deviate the normal path of ordinary, and set out the unfamiliar one of the extraordinary.

I will tell you. Risk

Will you fight for that life? For that opportunity? For the chance of being something extraordinary? You will have to fight, to give yourself to it. You've heard it before, but maybe not like this.

Fight, Risk, Challenge, sacrifice - This is what you will face.



I've never felt that I was much of a fighter. With work, school, love, family even my faith. But I want to fight for my life. Its the only one I have. I'm almost a quarter of a century into it. I am going to stop wasting time.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Searching for Pandora

I want to write something captivating right now. A sentence that draws on the essence of adventure, of beauty. Something that illustrates the culminating series of events that leads me down a path of life that ultimately leaves me feeling that this is where I belong.

But I didn't major in english.

Do you feel like you were meant for more? Have you ever watched through the window of your life and wondered, could I do that too? Do I want to? What if my life was meant for greatness and I, being weak willed, let greatness fall through my fingers, without ever trying to hold onto it.

For myself, these shouts of ambition and greatness are usually quickly quieted by the calming voice of faith, reminding me that, to be content with what you have is to live a life devoted to God. Whether this notion is true or not, i just can't accept it.

I'm not content with my life, albeit i enjoy it immensely, I'm not content with working into obscurity, living in the mundane and repeatable. I want to be apart of something great, I want to inspire, to challenge myself. I want to look out and answer the question of "Could I do that?"

One single thing worth fighting for.

I want to sift my fingers through this world and grasp onto the beauty of it, to hold it close to my heart and cherish it.

There is a place out there, i believe it, where beauty is all around you. You find it, everyday. Every second of life, every breath you take. You come alive when you find what you were meant to do, your place in this world.

Some find it, some make it. Faith-reason-people, would tell you that making it is the test of character for any person. I disagree.

I can't find it here. Indeed I don't want to. I'm sitting at my desk, on a Monday morning, dreaming of flying. Of fighting. Of loving. Of being.

Of my Pandora