"You can't take what God wants to freely give you"
My Pastor said that yesterday as I sat in the pew jotting away the notes on his sermon. I couldn't help but hold my pen for a moment, struck by the sentence. At first glance I'm almost offended by the nature of the statement, God wants to FREELY give it, why would I ever wish to take it. As a boy, if the neighborhood baker wants to give me a doughnut, I wait patiently for him to place the wonderful bismarck into my cup'd hands. But what is patience, indeed a 12 year olds grasp of patience doesn't extend beyond a few minutes. Here at 24 years of age, have I managed to add onto that mark?
Sometimes I wonder, as I did yesterday staring at my pen as it hovered over my notes. God is indeed my baker, among other things, but am I trying to steal his promises? The word of God says He has promised me a life abundant, full of hope and joy. While I acknowledge my life isn't meant to be easy, I can only examine the desires of my heart. Love, intimacy, a family, a wife, travel, missions, videography, home. Whatever it may be, how insignificant or great the desire, how powerful and passionate, or how careless and indifferent. They are subject to, not my will, but God's.
That's where patience comes in. Speaking from more experience then I would care for, how often have I tried to understand His will. Why didn't this work out? Why have things changed? Why didn't you give me that opportunity? Why can't I do this or that? Rather then wait for God to reveal His work. I push, I say if only I figure it out I will be at peace with it. No. That isn't peace, that is living in fear. Living in the fear of the unknown, and attempting some small minuscule self serving act to figure it out. Even with the answer, we are left still searching for a reason, an answer to quell the underlying concern of our heart. Will this work out?
Unfortunately our life isn't a book we are reading. We can't skim ahead. There is no earthly person, place, thing, or answer that can satisfy our fear of the unknown, of the direction our lives are going. We can never know where we will be tomorrow, who we will love, what we will be doing, and ultimately IF we will be happy.
I used the word 'unfortunately' earlier. Forgive me that this was a poor choice in words. It is with the utmost excitement that I say we aren't reading the pages of our life, we are living them! To use the words of Donald Miller, we are the characters, we are not the author. God is our author and we simply cannot write the story of our life with a fraction of the care love and joy that He can.
If you believe in the God of the bible, in His promises, and above all that he loves you and wants the best for you. Then if you ever feel scared of what is to come, if you are ever trying to figure it out yourself, to attempt to satisfy that deeply woven desire to know you will be happy. Let it go. Surrender your fear, don't live in it. Give it up to a God that has told us that His love is sufficient. Cause then you'll be free. Free to live in a story that you have complete faith that the author is writing the most exciting, powerful, brilliant, beautiful story, one filled with a happiness that is more satisfying that anything we could have discovered on our own.
And the cool part. If you live in a story where you have complete faith in its author AND you don't know what's going to happen. Well that fear of the unknown will change into anticipation and excitement of the unknown. That is the promise of God.
Don't live in fear, enter into the Joy of the Lord. A life of beauty and excitement.
Philippians 4:6-7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus
Remember -
A peace that surpasses all understanding. You cannot understand it.
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