Closing the door on Boston

For the past few weeks I've had to deliberate and struggle through one of the more difficult decisions in my life. I have been given the unique chance to pursue a PhD program in Engineering at the University of Northeastern in Boston. Not only given the chance - but to actually be paid to do it, ultimately leaving Boston in six years with no loans and a PhD in structural engineering under my belt.

Struggling with this decision might be an understatement.

I consulted friends, family, mentors, myself, and God. For the longest time I really had no idea what choice I would make. I knew God would provide and take care of me either way. I couldn't feel his hand guiding me in particular direction. So I take this decision as a matter of faith.

Faith in my future, in my career, more importantly to the character Christ is developing within me.

The lord has given me a gift with science, I know this. I've been given a degree in physics, the chance to work for NASA, and now a full ride for a PhD in engineering. All paths that would lead to a stable and prosperous future. Financially life would be alright.

But I have grown up with my mother. A teacher. She has been and done so much for me, and I have turned out alright. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't want that security. I want my life to be about faith. Trust. Choice. Love. Freedom. I want to live for Christ without anything else in the way.

Looking through this lens. I realized engineering was only on the table because I needed to stabilize my future, to prepare myself for it. No. I want to live in the moment, in faith and trust. I will look to the future, but never with my priorities before the lords.

This weekend gave me so much about why I am happy in Seattle. Why I love it here. Why I am not ready to leave, not just yet. In the very least I would be drawn away from it for anything less than what God has given me through passion. Engineering was not it.

I am in love with Jesus, and look forward to this moment, the next, and the one in which he reveals the next step, the next choice, the next path, the next part - to my amazing journey of faith and trust.

I will be enacting that journey here in Seattle. Or until God moves my passion for Him in another direction -

thank you :)

Graduate school finally showed up

So the course of the past six months have been pretty entertaining when it came to my future. I applied to graduate schools in December for Structural Engineering. I'm really excited about the possibility of going to school again, the subject really interests me. Yet in the midst of the last two months - alot has happened. Nothing to deter me from graduate school, but just other stuff. I guess I got more and more dis-couraged that I'd get into a school - being a physics undergrad NOT an engineering undergrad.


Low and behold I am excepted into a great school and am getting flown out there to visit it. All in the course of a week. It's really exciting how God throws stuff at ya. I'm super pumped for this weekend and can't wait to check out this school.


I am seriously wayyyy tooo blessssed

An account of

It really is a task living day to day. I'm not naive, I don't believe a fairy tale ending at all.

Sleep, work, play, sleep, work, play. Lately the hum has been ringing through my life. Am I to complain? Not at all, how blessed I am. Yet where does living fit in with this hum? Is it rather the tone of the hum? Or am I simply characterizing the life I want to live as something which deviates from what grand master plan the Lord has for me? If so why do I, or better yet, how can I love one so much, yet not desire the hum to press against the inside of my head? A hum spoken by the creator of the universe.

Living, for me, is a subjective experience quantified by the wants and desires of my heart. Yet my soul, my heart, isn't always a book open to read, even to me - the author. To have such an experience as living, one where living can only be defined by the measures of my heart ----

I have to reconcile, not just my desires, my wants, and even my fears, but I have to reconcile my will to God. I have to choose to believe, to follow, to hand over, to submit, to be under authority, to love, to lean on. It is a choice birthed by decision, but lived through by a truth.

A truth which defines who I am, why I desire and want, why I fear, what I struggle with, where I am going, how I am to live. Daily I die, daily I choose truth. What is truth?



Jesus Christ is God
He loves me
He died for me
He will never forsake me

Moving to Yakima

Now I know some people. These people are pretty sweet, the fact that they are from Yakima has nothing to do with how sweet they are. In fact I really don't have a problem with Yakima. It's this whole moving part that bothers me.

I've talked to alot of people, wise and dumb, I get the general sense that its not a big deal to move. Life moves on, it's like a river flowing downstream....or at least someone told me that.

I disagree, life needs to be a pool, a stagnant pool. One where my family doesn't sell the house I've grown up in all my life. I for one am not looking forward to my last trip to Bellingham, to my home, to my room, to my backyard. I don't want to walk up the steps of my porch one last time. I'm not ready to move on from my home, its just too much to me...

Home isn't just a place for me, its the things that shaped my life, the ones that remind me where I come from.

Home is the rain on the windows, as I fall asleep.
Home is the swing on the porch, the one I sat on when I wanted to get away.
Home is the front yard where I played ninja fighter with nothing but a rope.
Home is the roof, where I first fell in love with the stars.
Home is the pictures, the painting, that have hung in the same place all my life.
Home is the wedge on top of the couch where Chelsea sleeps all through the day.
Home is the sports court, where I never learned to play basketball. I tried tho.
Home is the late night hot tub conversations with God.
Home is the creak of the 2nd, 3rd and 5th step of the stairs as I sneak in for the night.
Home is the lighthouse mural that I left unfinished in my room.
Home is the cowboy doors to the library.
Home is mowing Dot's grass.
Home is the art room, with all the family's contributions.
Home is the Christmas tree in the corner by the window, the only one I've ever known.
Home is the apple trees that we used as soccer goals.
Home is the "house on the right after the pink house"
Home is the kitchen hangout, sitting on the counters.

Home is the place I'll never get to show my wife.

Home is my escape. The 2 AM drive to sleep in my bed, the place I go to just be.

I'm not ready to let home go. I guess I'm just a little sentimental about it....