Time Traveler's Wife

So I am sitting in the Narita Airport in Tokoyo Japan. I'm getting on a plane to Shanghai in less than an hour and I am super tired. Its something like 1am back home. I am not too sure right now.

Anyways - I watch the movie The Time Travelers Wife just before we landed here. Alot of that movie is sticking with me and I am processing it pretty thoroughly. Just wanted to write down my thoughts;

1. Having a love of your life. How often this is the theme to any good story or movie. A sole individual whom you've known for the bulk of your life and fall deeply in love with and pursue happiness with them despite insurmountable odds. I wish life was like this. It becomes really easy to become captivated by this idea and examine my own life. At 24 years into it and I know with all the most certainly that I have not met the love of my life, let alone met anyone that could come close to her. The task at hand, is to take it all with perspective and look forward to the time I do get to spend with her, whenever that is.

2. The movie really has reinforced my belief and desire for a family. I don't believe I'll be anywhere near a having a family when I meet my wife, however the desire for it..at some point in life...is there. The picture of a family, of a home, of love, of unity, or intimacy. Its one I want. More then any job, career, money, fame, or experience I could ask for.

3. The severity of the desire for the second item brings me to the third. Death. What is it like to loose the one you've loved, in one way or another for your entire life? Where is one left when they are gone. Alot of my head tells me my faith in God and Christ. However in this moment, i am scared. Scared of one day loving a girl, a family enough to have to risk the chance of one day living in a world without them. Its a pain, a loss I hope to never feel. I have never been around death, never lost someone close to me, perhaps this is why I am fearing it so much. I don't know what it will be like. The fear of the unknown.

I'm scared to love someone with all of my being, beyond all reason and logic, beyond doubt, insecurity, indeed any deterrent this world has to offer. Someone who by all means will never fully belong to me, and may be taken away at any moment. But I firmly believe that this cannot deter me from loving them. A life without love is terrible.