Warning: This is entirely a uncensored thought explosion while bored and awaiting progress on a production line in China.
I wish I could live my life like it is right now for a while. I don't want to freeze time, but I'm not exactly in a hurry to get on to the rest of my life. I mean, lets take a look at what I have got going on for myself. I'm in the middle of my twenties, by far some say, the funnest years you will ever have. I'm young and energetic, I've got a healthy body capable of much more then I probably give it credit for. I have an undoubtedly amazing community of friends and family. I really can't say that enough. I live with and have lived with (as most just got married) stellar and genuine guys. These are the type of friends I know will be in my life when I'm into my 50's and 60's. I live in Seattle, a place unbeknownst to the whole world, otherwise they all would move here. I'm financially independent, I can pursue hobbies and interests as I develop my passions. These not restricted to, wedding videography, artist, music consoler (spelling?), goof ball, friend, son, brother - my life is really amazing right now. God's given me so much and I'm blessed in so many ways. I don't know understand why it has to move on with? At least for another year or two? Please God?
You may be asking why I'm venting this out right now. Well its my family. I've kind of always been use to my family dynamic all my life, maybe thats cause i grew up in it. But well, its ALWAYS consisted of my beautiful and loving mother, quick witted and courageous, always a hard worker, my diligent father - who will build a house during the weekends while working a full workweek. My brothers, who lived close enough to catch a movie or visit at church..…alright. Well I'm really avoiding writing down what is really bothering me.
Here is it.
People are getting older, and things are changing. Have you ever thought about your childhood? Your house? What it looked like when you came home from school? What your room looked like? How it felt to have your mom kiss you good night? Do you remember your brother harassing you, and then being the older brother and looking out for you? Remember high school? The soccer fields? The lunch room and sitting on the tables when they continually asked us not to? Remember what it felt like to make your parents proud..…the list goes on.
They are memories. I can never get back to them. I'll never see, feel, experience those things again. Its sad. They helped make me. They are so important. Yet they happen only once. It's a heavy weight that lays on my heart when i ponder these things.
Time won't rewind, won't stop, and won't slow down - regardless of how much I plead with it. Things move forward. "You will never be here again." I heard that in a movie, i think it was Troy. Funny, such a good quote from a mediocre movie. Its true though.
I will never be here again.
Swallow that Alec. I could end this with the standard cape diem. Something insightful to get us to savor life more, to live it to the fullest and enjoy it. I'm not going to though. I would not pay homage to what i am feeling right now. Rather I will leave you with this,
Try. If you can, to re-imagine your life as something that is vanishing. Its somber, i know. But rather then fall victim to your discouragement, CHOOSE to live into that title. Your life is disappearing, indeed moving towards eternity with God, but in the meantime, is vanishing. Feel the weight of loss in that, and grip your life. Ha i guess seize the day. But don't do it out of some stereotypical motto that has no foundation in emotion, or your soul. Seize it out of desperation - a source of motivation that only arises when we are faced with the end, the harsh truth - you will never be here again. Time to live or die. Push yourself to the limits of fear of uncertainty, and embrace the unknown, find that inner strength that quality of character that God has so lovingly endowed us with. Once you have found that, live! Use that strength to overcome your fear, good over evil, humble over the proud, build your life! One wonderful beautiful memory and experience at a time.
I hope you can see what I'm saying. Course I did give a disclaimer. We'll see if I post this.
Dude maybe this could be the theme to your around the world movie. Something about childhood and moving on and such. I like the post dude. See ya soon.
ReplyDeletehey i remembered i read this sometime when you posted it and then i heard lines today in a song that i had to hit rewind to and listen again cuz its how i feel and then i remembered it kind of has the same feel with what you're sayin here. awesome thoughts btw, i absolutely agree...there's so much good going on every day and how fast do things change...i dont want to ramble..just really identified with that you were sayin. here's the lines:
ReplyDeleteSo scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train
See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.
obviously....it's john mayer's 'stop this train.' like these last two lines....hating the feeling when it's over. but not being able to stop it from slowing down.
ok. bed. bye.